What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity involves recognizing and expressing only positive emotions while dismissing, ignoring or suppressing any emotions with negative connotations, such as sadness, fear, jealousy or anger. These are normal emotions, however, which everyone feels from time to time. Supressing these emotions can have detrimental effects not only on one’s mental well-being but also on one’s physical health.
Examples of toxic positivity can include positive quotes or platitudes such as, “things happen for a reason,” “positive vibes only,” “look on the bright side,” or “the cup is half full.” Depending on your situation, these statements may not ring true. Sometimes a situation is simply bad or upsetting. By dismissing the emotions connected with feeling sad or angry, we are putting up barriers to the healing process whilst not learning how to cope effectively.
The Harmful Effects of Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity can have negative effects on an individual’s psychological and physical well-being. Gross and Levenson (1997) conducted a study involving having participants view a neutral, sad and amusing film. Participants were either assigned to the emotional suppression condition whereby they were told not to express or reveal their emotions or the non-suppression condition where they were free to feel and express their emotions. Emotional suppression resulted in a physiological cost through enhancing sympathetic activation of the cardiovascular system.
With regard to the effects emotional suppression had on mental health, the study revealed that participants did not feel any emotional relief from suppressing feelings. They also suggested that chronic emotional inhibition can impair cognitive functioning and negatively affect our abilities to adapt and understand social situations.
Why It’s Important to Experience ALL the Emotions
In order to live an authentic life, it is crucial to experience, manage and cope with the entire spectrum of emotions. Being able to read and express emotions help us navigate social situations and connect with other people. If we are actively engaging in suppressing emotions, it is likely that we expect the person we are communicating with to do the same. This leads to superficial and emotionally distant connections being formed. It is crucial to reach out for support if you are suffering, going through a tough time or simply need someone to talk to. It is unlikely that you will get this type of support if you are acting as if everything is fine. You are also less equipped at providing such support for others during their time of need since others may find you less approachable and less easy to open up to with this positive façade.
Moreover, it is emotional labour to constantly put up this positive façade. Since it can be tiring work, those who constantly try to “keep up appearances” may start avoiding social situations so that they do not need to do the emotional work involved. This can lead to isolation which has many negative effects on one’s mental and physical well-being.
Why We Need to Feel the Negatives
It is necessary to feel the negative emotions in order to learn how to cope with them effectively. It is a part of emotional development and maturity. Moreover, by ignoring negative feelings, they are not going anywhere. They become the elephant in the room, ignored but very much present. Untreated mental illnesses are likely to get worse over time. That is why it is imperative that you recognise your emotions early on and learn effective ways in coping with them. This can be through venting to a friend or perhaps seeking professional counselling.
According to Freud, many psychological maladies are due to emotional inhibition in the forms of repression and denial. Toxic positivity requires bottling up feelings and essentially emotional dysregulation.
Negative emotions may also serve as important warning signals. If you are feeling disgust after eating bad food, it might be a good idea to stop eating it. If you feel jealous over the attention someone is giving your partner, it might be a sign to keep an eye on your relationship. If you feel scared walking alone at night, you might want to ensure you have a friend accompany you or if you have anxiety over any upcoming exam, it might be a good idea to start studying. Emotions all along the spectrum serve important functions. It is crucial to tap into our emotions, understand what we are feeling and manage the situation accordingly.
Conclusion
Although we are surrounded by positive platitudes and a culture which elevates constantly feeling good, in order to look after our own emotional health, we need to filter some of that information out. We need to stop feeling shame for feeling sad, angry or anxious. In order to heal and cope with emotions, we need to have them validated by ourselves and others. Adding guilt and shame into the mix is detrimental. It is unfair to always be told to “look on the bright side,” or “every cloud has a silver lining.” Perhaps there is no silver lining and this is just a tough time that you will have to get through. You do not need to constantly be searching for a lesson or reason as to why a bad thing happened. Sometimes things happen for no apparent reason at all and that’s OK. While “positive vibes only” may help you to feel good in the immediate present, it is not a mantra to live by if you are looking for long-term, sustainable and authentic emotional well-being. It’s time to ditch the feel good platitudes and accept that feeling bad is OK, healthy and simply a part of the human experience.
References
Gross, J., J., and Levenson, R., W. (1997). Hiding Feelings: The Acute Effects of Inhibiting Negative and Positive Emotion. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 106, 95-103.
Lukin, K. (August 1, 2019). Toxic Positivity: Don’t Always Look on the Bright Side. Psychology Today. Retrieved May 27th 2020, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-man-cave/201908/toxic-positivity-dont-always-look-the-bright-side
Quintero, S., and Long, J. (n.d.). Toxic Positivity: The Dark Side of Positive Vibes. The Psychology Group. Retrieved May 27th 2020, from https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/
